This is my journey to getting healthy. According to some gentlemen I am already "healthy" but that's just like saying thick/fat/juicy. No, I want to be strong/healthy/fit. That is where I'm headed.
I actually started walking at 2 miles and didn’t stop my timer. So my pace was 11:15. That was great because it was faster than my last couple of runs! Not too bad for feeling like garbage. After my run I did 3.5 minutes of wall sits for November’s challenge. Better than nothing!
I feel exhausted when I wake up. After being awake for a bit I feel better.. But getting out of bed is a struggle. Will attempt running after breakfast. I’m convinced I’m sick because the air filter needs to be changed in my apartment and I told them days ago. So today, I go and complain!
She deserves better, you say. I say: You’re a goddamn coward. What she deserves is an actual person she can connect with. She deserves you, or me or the entire world; she deserves someone achingly real and honest. She deserves a human being equally raw to pursue her and love her and, perhaps, destroy her emotionally, but she deserves all that as well. She doesn’t deserve anyone’s sugary fairytale. She deserves to float freely, with you, or me, or the world, into the very depths of her own psychosynthesis. She deserves to explore the meaning of the word "intimacy", with someone beside her that will care regardless. She fucking deserves all of it. So, pluck up the courage and be with her or leave her in peace but don’t you dare "sell" her your own "inadequacy" as a lie so that, again, you manage to comfort your conscience and eventually come to feel that you love her exactly because you’re letting her go. Because, darling, that’s bullshit. That’s only your own little self-created lie laying behind a much bigger lie; it’s not even properly concealed within itself, you fucking idiot.